These 3 Easy Steps Will Get You the Hottest Teens Imaginable


Coming up with a fool-proof plan to sleep with hot teen girls is no easy feat. However, I have turned what was once viewed as a miracle into an exact science. Take notes.

  1. Getting Online

    The internet has changed a lot in the past few years. There’s now a site for every desire you could have. Some sites help young single people meet each other, like Tinder. There are sites like SeekingArrangment that allow older men to meet younger women who are interested in dating older men who can provide for them.

    This is where we have to make a choice. Are you an older man looking for younger women, or are you a younger man looking for young women? This is important because it totally changes your approach towards these women.  If you’re simply looking to bang local naked teens, then using a dedicated teen dating app might be the better route.

    If you’re an older guy looking for the excitement of a young hottie than look no further than SeekingArrangment. It’s a site that lets people from different age groups connect, go out to dinner, get to know each other, etc. Sometimes gifts are involved. You know, just little presents that you’d want to get your significant other to let them know they mean a lot to you, nothing special.

  2. Social Media Slam Dunk

    If you’re a younger man looking for younger women, then look no further than Instagram. Yes, that’s right. It’s been right in front of you this whole time. It might seem like it’s impossible to get women on sites like these without being a crazy juiced guy with a hundred tattoos but I can assure you, it’s possible.

    It just takes a little know-how and perseverance. First, focus on your pictures. Try to fill your profile with photos of yourself in social situations like hiking with friends, attending a concert or festival, even going out to party.

    Just try not to be obnoxious about it. Nobody wants to see a feed full of repetitive pictures and long-winded captions. Keep it short and simple. Post a picture of your dog every once in a while too. It helps girls see the side of you that is kind and gentle. after all, it’s provocative. It gets the hotties flowin’!

  3. Dating Apps

    Your Tinder profile should accomplish the same goals as your Instagram with a different kind of attention to detail. Girls are always on the site to find hot guys to meet up with, so you’re going to need to impress.

    Don’t put any more than one selfie on your page. That’s rule #1. Include a picture(s) of your dog for sure, but not too many; otherwise it might seem like you hate the way you look and would rather show off your dog.

    Be confident and prove you can be a social guy. Make your bio something clever and short so the teen girls know you’re mature and impressive. Don’t write out your theory about human existence though. The last thing you want to do is make it seem like you just spent 2 hours making a Tinder profile.

    Above all else, just take it easy and play it cool. A guy who takes Tinder too seriously has the potential to ruin his chances with any girl.

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Top 5 Best Tim Burton Movies

1.) Big Fish

This film has an emotionally nostalgic and interesting story about life, legacy, and the constant need to know where you come from before you know where you’re going. Being one of Burton’s most spectacular casts, which uniquely includes very few of his repeat stars, Big Fish covers over two overlapping narratives that follow Ed Bloom, a man of many quotes and earthly stories. Albert Finney stars as Ed in his old age, a man who’s on his deathbed and also whose stories of splendor have become the only part of happiness between him and his son, played by Billy Crudup, who feels as though he’s never really known his father- he’s honestly only ever known him for his inspiring stories from his life.

2.) Sweeney Todd

Love, revenge, insanity and just so much blood — what could be more essential than Tim Burton directing the adaptation of Sweeney Todd, the Victorian story of an unfairly trapped barber whose weapon of choice is his razor when getting revenge? On the other hand, once gossip got out that Burton was sourcing Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd musical for inspiration, critiques immediately laughed at the concept of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Alan Rickman singing the tunes of a Broadway masterpiece — specifically Depp, whose musical abilities had always been really with the guitar. While  Burton’s Sweeney might not have had the most stage-worthy singing, it was more than made up for everything else.

 3.) Beetlejuice

This film is truly a breakthrough classic, and a crucial and blockbuster hit for Burton and his future colleagues, Michael Keaton and Winona Ryder. Beetlejuice actually started as a much darker drama about a deceased couple that was just married. However, Burton rewrote the whole entire story into a more kooky afterlife slapstick absurdity, helping to construct his signature style. Keaton’s scene-stealing title character only uses up less than 20 minutes of total screen time.

4.) Edward Scissorhands

Referred to by Burton himself as being the epitome his most autobiographical work, Edward Scissorhands has both claimed cult status among its gigantic fanbase and has lasted through the years for new generations to explore and love as well. This film is decorated with practical and ridiculous makeup effects and costume designs in addition to fantastic performances by its actors, especially the dreamboat Johnny Depp. And finally and most importantly, Edward Scissorhands is known as the original embodiment of a Burton film and will probably be the one movie to which his films are compared to the rest of his career.

5.) Nightmare Before Christmas

Everyone knows the stories, and everyone is familiar with the rhymes too. Every time you watch this movie, since October of 1993, you are always hoping you’ll have all 66 minutes of it memorized. The story features the misadventures of Jack Skellington, Halloweentown’s well-known pumpkin king, who is bored with the same old yearly routine of scaring people in the “real world.” When Jack stumbles upon Christmastown by accident, he gets a new perspective of life — he plans to take Christmas under his control by kidnapping Santa Claus and claiming the throne of Christmas. However, Jack soon finds out that even the best-laid plans of mice and skeleton men can go pretty, pretty horribly..

Watch the video below to learn about the Tim Burton theory!

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